i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
