Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Rumble strips road head = magical
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Randomize
