Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
