Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
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