Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
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