Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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