You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Is it because I queefed?
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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