Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
