Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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