My Higher Power is John Stamos
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
