I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
