How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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