theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
