where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
