apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
