There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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