There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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