white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
