He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
