I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
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