walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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