well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
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