he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
