70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
