Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Randomize
