2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
