Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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