Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Randomize
