Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
