Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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