I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
