If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
