Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
