How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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