If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
