She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
