I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
