i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Randomize
