Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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