She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
