Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Everything about him screamed your future.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
