If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Randomize
