hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
