i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
