Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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