MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
