you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
