Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
