just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
splinters make it hard to masturbate
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
