is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
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