if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
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